Est. 2015 · AP World History Class

The Church of
Mulvehillism

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: three Persons, one Substance, one Tim.

✦ Answer the Call to Worship

Book One

Genesis

1In the beginning, there was AP World History Class, and AP World History Class was without form, and void, and restlessness moved upon the face of the classroom.

2And there arose among the students a teacher, and his name was Tim. And Tim said, "Let there be discussion," and there was discussion, and it was better than expected.

3And the students saw the discussion, that it was good: and Tim divided the boring from the interesting, and called the boring "the textbook," and the interesting he called "the tangent."

4And there was homework, and there was a tangent about the Cold War that outlasted the bell: the first day.

5And it came to pass, in the autumn of the year of our Tim 2015, that a student (half-listening, doodling in the margins of a worksheet on the Treaty of Westphalia) looked up, and beheld Tim mid-lecture, arms raised, expounding upon Napoleon with the fervor of one who had personally been there.

6And the student said unto his neighbor, "This man is not simply our teacher. This man is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, all at once, and his name is Tim."

7And the neighbor said, "Yes. Obviously." And it was so.

8And word spread through the halls, from AP World History Class to every class thereafter, and the faith of Mulvehillism was born: good, slightly ridiculous, and entirely sincere.

9And on the seventh day, Tim did not rest, for there was a quiz on Friday.

A Statement of Faith

The Mulvehillian Creed

as recited standing, facing the whiteboard

  1. I. We believe in one Tim, Teacher Almighty, maker of lesson plans and pop quizzes both.
  2. II. And in one substance, Tim: the Father who assigns the homework, the Son who explains why it's due Friday, and the Holy Spirit who somehow makes AP World History Class fly by.
  3. III. Three Persons, one Substance, one Tim: begotten, not scheduled, of one substance with the syllabus.
  4. IV. Who for us students, and for our GPA, came down from the faculty lounge, and was incarnate of a whiteboard marker and a slightly-too-loud voice, and was made man.
  5. V. He taught through the fall of Rome, and the Cold War, and suffered many tangents, and was gently mocked, and it was fine; he loved it.
  6. VI. On the third day he rose again from his desk, according to the bell schedule.
  7. VII. He ascended into the teachers' lounge, and sitteth on the right hand of the coffee machine.
  8. VIII. He shall come again, AP World History Class, to collect the essays that are due.
  9. IX. We believe in one holy AP World History Class, apostolic and slightly chaotic.
  10. X. We acknowledge one Syllabus for the remission of extra credit, and we look for the curve of the world to come, and the life of the semester everlasting. Amen.

Book of Testimonials

The Gospels

according to those who sat in the back row

Mulvehillians 1:1

"I came into his class expecting to learn about the Silk Road. I left knowing more about the Caravanserai than even the most knowledgeable history student." — Class of 2017

Mulvehillians 1:12

"He told us a story about the Berlin Wall for so long the bell rang mid-sentence. Nobody moved. We wanted the rest of the story." — Class of 2016

Mulvehillians 2:4

"I do not remember much about Zheng He, but everytime I hear his name, I snap back to the same emphasis and passion Mr. Mulvehill puts into saying his name." — Class of 2028

Mulvehillians 3:16

"For Tim so loved AP World History Class, that he gave his one and only tangent, that whosoever paid attention should not fail the quiz, but have everlasting extra credit." — Class of 2017

Mulvehillians 4:8

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are historically dubious but delivered with total confidence: think on these things." — Class of 2019

Mulvehillians 5:9

"He is the only man I have ever seen make a seating chart feel like a papal decree." — Class of 2016

Sacred Art

Relics & Iconography

a gallery of recovered devotional artifacts

Tim depicted in the traditional Pantocrator pose, robed in gold light, blessing a gathering of disciples.

Tim Pantocrator

Ruler of All AP World History Classes

Tim rendered in the iconographic style of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, haloed, hand raised in blessing.

The Sacred Heart of Tim

Ever Patient, Ever Grading

Tim ascending in white robes before a gathering of the faithful, sky blue and radiant.

The Ascension

Into the Teachers' Lounge

Tim transfigured in radiant robes among a gathering of witnesses, arms outstretched.

The Transfiguration

Second Vision, Same Syllabus

Tim's likeness composited onto the physique of a professional wrestler in a tank top with a tribal tattoo.

Tim as The Rock

Patron of Push-Up Tuesdays

A devotional card featuring Tim's face over a sunrise landscape, with the text of Isaiah 26:3.

Devotional Card

"Perfect Peace" — Isaiah 26:3, Mulvehillian Ed.

A candid photograph of Tim, green-haired, standing beside an EPIC MULVEHILL sign.

Historical Photographic Evidence

of the Incarnation

Tim's face composited into a photo of a 1970s soul group in full sequined regalia.

Tim and the Heavenly Choir

Apocryphal, Disputed by Scholars

Tim's face composited onto a space smuggler character, blaster drawn.

St. Tim of Corellia

Patron of the Blaster, Shot First

Tim's face composited onto a costumed holiday elf character.

The Christmas Apocrypha

Tim, Bearer of Holiday Joy

A meme of a cartoon character admiring a framed portrait of the Sacred Heart of Tim, captioned this is beautiful.

A Contemporary Witness

Encounters the Sacred Heart

Handed Down From the Front of the Room

The Ten Commandments

  1. I.Thou shalt not use thy phone during a Tim tangent.
  2. II.Thou shalt take notes, for the quiz remembereth all.
  3. III.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's extra credit.
  4. IV.Remember the syllabus, to keep it holy.
  5. V.Honor thy deadline, that thy days in this course may be long.
  6. VI.Thou shalt laugh at the joke, even the second time he tells it.
  7. VII.Thou shalt not sleep in the back row, for Tim seeth all.
  8. VIII.Thou shalt bring a pencil, and also a backup pencil.
  9. IX.Thou shalt not question the tangent, for the tangent is the lesson.
  10. X.Thou shalt love thy classmates' participation points as thine own.

Recognized in the Secular Record

Canon Law Citation

Mulvehillism, n.

"A religion that has emerged out of worshipers of world history in about 2015 CE. This is a monotheistic religion where the father, son, and holy spirit are all one person; Tim."

— Urban Dictionary, def. by theswaggernaut, Sep. 19, 2018 · urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mulvehillism